Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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