At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
