So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
