You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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