im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
