I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
