girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
