i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
