My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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