Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize