Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
