maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize