i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
