I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize