mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Even the bartender felt bad for me
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
