the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
