y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i will never coherently bang her
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
