I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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