4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
