every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
