Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
