I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize