Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize