I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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