I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
