Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
