Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
