We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
my being single is dangerous.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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