and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
