I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
