Define "chronic" masturbator.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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