I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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