we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
