so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
