somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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