every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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