I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I have feelings that need drinking.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
