mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
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