mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
