..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
