i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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