i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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