i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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