Little spoons don't ask big questions
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
