drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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