Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
