I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
