I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
