I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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