SEEEEXXX PLEASE
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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