Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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