you turned your livingroom into a bong?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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