i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
