Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
