I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
