I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
not ubering you a puppy
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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