i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
