So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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