Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
i think my cat just said my name.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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