apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
