My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
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I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
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THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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