I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
