you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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