Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I think my fart just growled at me.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
