It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize