I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
