never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
