and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My liver just had a heart attack.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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