My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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