sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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